I spent most of this past weekend cleaning out my closet to make room for my new work wardrobe. After more than 12 years in scrubs, I will be wearing business clothes for my new job. I’m excited about buying new clothes and such but having to dress like a normal person who doesn’t work in a hospital is so new and foreign. On one hand, it has been so easy to jump out of bed throw on some scrubs and go. No choosing. No ironing. No fuss, no muss. On the other, I get new clothes!!! Who doesn’t like that?
As I was cleaning out my closet I found items I had forgotten I had such as pictures and mementos, etc. Long lost treasures bringing warm memories or cold jabbing ones, depending on the item and its meaning.
I found items I wanted to keep, the warm hug they gave my heart as I reminisced was worth storing for another hug down the line.
I found items which were really just trash, cluttering the space because I was too afraid to part with them. Sure they were things, but they had meaning, good or bad. I am a natural hoarder. I want to keep things because “I might need them later” or “this reminds me of so and so.” Kind of like my life and relationships. Keeping people around because I might need them later, no matter how cluttered or dirty they made my life. Always afraid to part with things and people – what if I’m all alone? what if I need them later because they are the only people who loved/liked/used me? Insecurity and unworthiness is what housed these things in my closet for so long.
I found items I just didn’t need any longer. Sure they were still useful and in good shape, but they are decomposing, emitting toxic gases in the process.
Digging out the old. Examining the good and the bad and the ugly. The requirements of growth and openness.
The closet in my heart is a little less cluttered thanks to Pathways Core Training. I have been cleaning my internal closet. Out with the old and needless, in with the new and purposeful. I have found a freedom I’ve never known. A freedom to let go. A freedom to feel safe, secure, worthy and powerful! I decide what’s in my closet now. I choose what to keep and what to throw away. I choose what to allow in.
I’m the boss of my closet.